I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
