I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
