why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
