So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
