drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sorry about my life...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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