When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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