I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
