It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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