She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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