In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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