I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
