I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
