I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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