Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
