I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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