so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize