Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
