You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think my mom watched the whole time
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
