I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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