as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
