oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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