Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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