Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We named our party play list daddy issues
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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