i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
