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winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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