and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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