its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
