Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
