Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
