Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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