I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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