is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
