my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
