White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
