HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
