were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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