no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
