Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
