It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
