I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My dick has a subreddit
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
