rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
