Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
