Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
