you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
