Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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