Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
