So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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