How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize