You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
