i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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