My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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