And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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