just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
