based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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