1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
