do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
