Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
