come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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